Don't Cry For Me, Argentina!

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Papa is leaving for Argentina tonight....
hu,hu,hu......
Penatnya mama tinggal sorang2 to carry out ALL the chores.
I'll have to do double trips in the morning sending those scholars to schools at 2 different directions.
And whenever papa is not around, the population always claim to have no appetite and I have to take them out for something they may like to eat instead.
The worst part is picking up Ikram from tuition at night, rabun and ngantuk!!!...

'Apa2 lagi lah kauu ni, nak pergi Argentina,
orang lain diSyarikat tu sedang kira uang yang akan diterima dari MSS (Mutual Separation Scheme)'....
....ala2 Pak Hj. Bakhil dalam Film Labu Labi..

mama: nak kira hari....nak kira hari...
nak kira hari....nak kira hari.....

Al-Fatihah

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Papa came home from the office yesterday, looking grim.
As he opened the door, he told me, Hariyani has passed away this morning.

mama: Hariyani?......(silence)...
what did she die of? (Choked and half expecting the answer).
papa: They told me she got cancer....

Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiuun.....

Hariyani is the 6th of my peers who has passed on due to the big C, before the age 5o..
First it was Pip (my colleague at MITI),
then Kat (my auto industry buddy),
then Ana(my Domestic Trade fellow officer),
then Leha (my primary schoolmate),
then Zakiah (my STF74 friend).....

Nowadays, the frequency of you hearing about someone dying of cancer has become as routine as one being pickpocketed.
It's so sad.

They say it's because of our modified food intake,
Lack of exercise,
stressful life....

Whatever, I leave my fate to the Creator.
He brought us here,
and He will decide when to take us back
(hopefully to a better place.....).

Al-Fatihah.

'Hijrah Remaja'

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If Dilla is to accidentally stumble upon my blog today, she will half expect that the title of my entry will be just that - 'Hijrah Remaja'!!

I was over the phone with some affected old friends, busy giving out free, solicited and unsolicited advice and my own two-cent worth views on The New Automotive Policy. After the reality dawned onto them, they decided to give me a call to compare if their interpretations on the guidelines were accurate. For a while, I heard myself sounding not unlike Datuk Dr. Zainal Aznam making his analysis on the newly tabled National Budget on a Friday in October. I adore Datuk Zainal Aznam!! He could make all those economic jargons so easy to be understood by non-economists like me!

By the way, in-between feigning my sympathy towards the filthy rich, I received a message from Dilla reminding me to watch the first episode of a talk-show programme called 'Hijrah Remaja' on Astro Ria Channel tonight. She will not be able to see the show since she is now in campus, preparing for her final exam of a final semester of the final year!!!........

I forgot all about it until I was changing channels after the News at 9pm. and saw Adam, the host of the show introducing the penalists by then. I managed to contain my patience for hardly 10 minutes of the 30 minutes airtime for the programme.

I definitely am no remaja anymore because the programme SO disturbed me!!
What's with the 'Ustaz' who came with a bad hairstyle, trying to do with his unfunny quips and jokes? He probably tried too hard to fit into the group, like a square peg in a round hole.
Even papa who was not actually watching, made a remark, is this joker going to be a permanent feature of the show?

And other members of the panel? They are in the 16-23 years age group.
Some of them looked lost ,with shallow one liner opinions.
It didn't help that the topics ranges from : Akad Nikah, Dating, Adat Resam Melayu or something to those effects.
To give you an idea, the ustaz at a time actually coached a penalist to say 'Dari berchatting terus berdating, lepas tu bunting!'
Like, hello?? Ustaz?? Is that a proper phrase to be said by a young girl who looked very ill at ease herself in handling the issues? And the girl went on to say something like : what to do, it's the norm nowadays.
Is it?
I don't know.
It certainly is NOT the norm amongst the youth I came across in my surroundings i.e. my own children, my nieces and nephews and my friends' children.....
Or I ought to wake up incase it is true!

It certainly helped a lot, Adam, if the penalists were given the topics for discussion ahead of the recording sessions, so that they came prepared with substancial knowledge of the subject matter.
You were impressive though, compared to the Adam I met chewing betel leaf with MakTok at my house during last Raya, he,he,he......

Hopefully the next episode will not be as painful to watch since Dilla and her cousin Nini will be making their special appearances......
I don't want to hide under the pillow, with Bella's tail poking at my nose, girls!!!


p/s: The handsome host sedang bercinta dengan seorang puteri Raje.
(source: cosmos, cosless)
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The Reading Glass

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Rather busy in the office this morning, now that auditing period has started. Berselerak files on the table, on the floor, on the lap.....he,he,he....

Suddenly,.... kelepark....
Alamak, a file dropped on my spectacles, my reading spectacles!!!!
Habis lah hari ni, macam mana nak baca blog!!!!...kah,kah,kah...

I walked to the optician located at the end of my office block.

mama: Hi, I want to purchase a reading glass.
mr.ng: Why do you need a reading glass?
mama: To read!!! (of course).
mr.ng: Reading glass is only for a slightly aged lady, do you need one?
mama:.....(eh, optician ni, does he need a pair of spectacles as well? Tak nampak ker aku dah rabun jauh and rabun dekat nih?)....
Yes, I badly need one, I can't view my computer screen anymore!!
mr.ng: How old are you? 25?
mama: 50 LAH!!
mr.ng: ...(purak2 terperanjat!!)..

After testing my eyesight, I decided on a lightweight, rimless, titanium Gucci frame.

mama: Make sure it's ready by lunchtime, OK?!?
mr.ng: OK, but let me measure your iris to enable me to place your focal point.

mr.ng used that magnifying glass and looked closely at my eyes, again and again.
mama:....(apasal lagi ni? Aku ada cataract pulak ker?)...
mr.ng: You've got a hazel coloured iris! It's so rare and beautiful!

mama: ...(Eih, sudah2 lah memuji tu, dah beli Gucci frame pun!, By the way, it helps if only mr.ng at least resembles Richard Gere!) .....

Good try, mr.ng! I know it's hard to do business nowadays....
It's true. Even the infamous AP Kings are cringing in their Versace underpants this morning, after the guidelines on the long-awaited New Automotive Policy was released last night!

How do you know, you asked?
I know. I should know!!!

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Judging mama

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I went to One Utama Shopping Complex early yesterday morning. I had to get a luggage bag as a gift for a customer who will be travelling to Mexico. The salesgirls at 'The House of Leather' know me very well as I purchase most of travelling bags for my Travel Agency from them.

When I arrived at 10am, the salesgirls were still running very quick from the foyer. They saw me from a distance away and rushed to open the outlet's door. I told them it's OK, I'll go browse around instead, and will come back later. They apologised profusely for being slightly late that morning.

I stopped infront of the Reject Shop and remembered that the silly maid have recently added red spots to papa's yellow Polo workout shirt.
Baju untuk exercise ajer, boleh lah beli kat Reject shop, yer papa!.
Went in and picked up a Polo Ralph Laurent collared T-shirt for RM33.90.
he,he,he...I could get 3 pieces here at the price Tasya paid for the 'same' one in London for her papa!!!!.....

With the Reject Shop's plastic bag in hand, I went into the Laura Ashley store. I saw a very beautiful green cottonlaced blouse on display.
Searched for the stock at the rack to choose my size 7 (bluff) ...But no one was keen to assist me. Everybody was busy looking the other way except at ME! I waited a few minutes, still no sign of interest to sell anything.
Fine, you don't want my money, I'll fly down to Singapore and get my blouse from a friendly Laura Ashley store located at The Shaw House..

I walked towards the luggage shop but made a pitstop at Marks & Spencer. In London, Marks & Spencer stores are available at every corner of the street, but here in Malaysia they made it very posh and expensive looking.
I picked up a working blouse, I already have 3 of the same design but of different colours. This time I saw one in striped dark brown and already familiar with how comfortable it is to have it on.

I stood for 10minutes at the cashier's counter with the blouse, waiting for someone to collect money from me.
Nobody seemed interested to be away from their chores of dusting the shelves.
I couldn't figure why wouldn't anyone trust that I can afford at least a Marks & Spencer's blouse?
Well, I couldn't wait any longer as I too have to rush for my luggage. I put the blouse back on the rack and left the store. Nobody cared.

All it took was 5minutes to decide on a light weight Mendoza trolley Cabin Bag. I took out my bulging Dior purse and told Rachel, the 'House of Leather' girl, that no one wants my money this morning.

Rachel said it was probably because I carried a Reject Shop plastic bag, and the people at the stores didn't want to waste their time on me, thinking I wouldn't be able to afford anything costlier.......
Was it true? So, no one actually noticed my Rolex watch??!!??

Bledy pole!!
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Reflexology

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Earlier this month, I had a nasty food poisoning. I spent one whole day and night in the bathroom doing 2 most horrible things when one is having a bad stomach, concurrently. It was so tiring, that after I recoverred from the ordeal, I was having a cramped shoulder and neck and the vomit spot at the hind of my skull was throbbing.

Maria, my masseaur is currently away in Medan. I could not suffer in silence.
I noticed a new Reflexology outlet just opened at the top floor of my office building.
I decided to try, whatever, as long as I can get rid of the discomfort.

mama: Hello, itu tempat mau bikin reflexology?
man: Ya.
mama: Awak ada tukang reflexology perempuan?
man: kenapa? Lu mau mintak kelja ka?
mama: bukan, saya mau try you punya service, tapi mau cari perempuan bikin.
man: reflexology perempuan tak tau bikin, tak da kuat, woh!, you boleh try man bikin, kaki saja, takdak hal punya....
mama: .......(thinking,...thinking....) OK lah, nanti saya pergi tempat you dalam masa 5 minit.

Mama sempat pesan kat staff, kalau saya tak turun dalam masa 1 jam, you all cari saya kat tingkat atas, ya!

After I signed up, AhSeng the reflexologist requested that I 'scalded' my feet in the hot water. The moment he touched my foot after it's dried, I thought that my lifeline was cut off. It was so painful that you could pee in your beaded sarong kebaya!!!
According to AhSeng, if you are fit, you won't feel any pain at all.
He discovered that my blood circulation was stuck here and there (selupa itu longkang sudah sumbat!), weak back, jammed neck and shoulder and I have signs of migraine...
I braved exactly 1 hour there, and thought I'd return to my office crippled.

But No! I believed I could fly......
My feet were so light and the pains were gone.....
At night I could sleep so soundly, no more nightmare (of chasing after the train)..

After 2 days, I went for a repeat treatment, and I swear it was a very pleasant experience for a change.
No more pain when AhSeng plonk his hammerlike hands on both my feet!.
It was a splendour!

On a Saturday, I noticed papa woke up 'senget'.
He said he must have slept the wrong way throughout the night.
I was anxious to test AhSeng's expertise on another person in order to prove that it was not a placebo effect on me.

I fixed an appointment for papa and accompanied him there.
I knew exactly what pain he went through and AhSeng said papa's condition was even worse.
'here jam, there jam...'
At a point, I saw papa staring blankly at the wall that if he didn't blink after a minute, I thought he had passed out!!!!
kah,kah,kah.....

mama: You are such a baby, papa! I had mine done and it was 'NOT' painful at all! You are just exaggerating!!.....

Papa managed to survive the 1 hour ordeal without mishap. He must have felt the difference that the next day he asked:
when is my next appointment with your footologist?

Footologist, papa? Your foot!!

I must remember to tell AhSeng to finetune papa's audio reception the next time he mauls papa's feet.
Lately, papa appears to have problems in intercepting my vocalwave especially when it's nearing the end of the month:

'papa, the newspaper vendor is here...
papa, the gardener is done...
papa, the carwasher has finished his job....
papa, the Homeguard Supervisor is at the front gate with the month's bill'.....

Strangely, he could decipher if it's something like:
'papa, bring down my purse, please'.....
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The horror of 'Si Loceng'.

My cats' peace and tranquility has been stirred for the past 2 weeks, since the arrival of a lost soul in the form of a Tomcat. It has been gut wrenching, power struggling and nerve wrecking situation within the cats' dynasty at my place.

This illegal immigrant looks very much domesticated and comes with a collar and an annoying bell. I tried to check if there was a hidden address or a phone number at the collar, but there was none.

The problem is, the moment he sat paw in my house, he treated it like as if he has inherited the place from a long lost cousin. He instantly made himself so comfortably at home. When it's feeding time, he just nudged everybody away from their bowl and help himself to everyone's food. And he has such big appetite. When there was a roar of protest from my cats, he will put up a look which says: Eleh, nak share sikit ajer, what's the big deal, after all there are plenty more where it comes from......

We politely tried to get him to leave, but this very thickskinned uninvited guest has a plan of his own. He pitifully rolled at Papa's feet, and curled up with batting eyelids on my lap when I'm seated to read the newspaper. He must have had a good life back then with his previous owner but we do not have an idea where he comes from. We tried asking him though..

Since he has become a permanent fixture in our house, we might as well try to accept him. I called him 'Loceng' due to the annoying sound of his bell whenever he moves.
Imran calls him 'LoLo', while Tasya calls him 'Cheng'.
It didn't matter to him, he'll just answer you with whatever sound you make...
Such a friendly fella.

However, the cats are damn angry with him!
Bella could accept him initially, but not after LoLo starts to share his Power Rangers meal bowl. I mean, that bowl is his and has always been his! Cats tend to be so attached to his meal bowl, and no contaminating it with other cat's saliva!
Lately, Bella does not even want to enter the kitchen for his meals when he could hear the sound of the haunting bell ringing from there.

Priyanka completely hates LoLo. When he first set eyes on her, LoLo thought that he has the passport to getting a permanent residence here by attracting Priyanka. Alas, LoLo does not know that Priyanka is the snobbish half Persian, spayed daughter of IRMA. Yes, the very IRMA who is now lost and the mention of her name can still make mama cry.

As for Putih, the dear dear Putih, he has not come home for a few days now...
If he is to write an entry for his blog today, it would be something like this:-

.....'Aku memang tengah tension giler tahap gaban ( he gets that from reading other youngster's blog) sekarang ni! Ada sekor mamat tu, macam terrer ajer datang buat rumah sendiri kat tempat aku. Mama kata biarlah, Puts, kita mesti kasihan kat kucing yang dalam kesusahan. Tapi aku tengok si mamat tu tak make an effort to find his way home at all! Dapat nama baru lagi, LoLo ker aper ker bendanya, ntah2 kat rumah dia nama dia hanyalah si Tompok!

Sebenarnya aku ni tidaklah begitu taksub dan tamak dengan apa yang aku ada, tapi si Polan yang berloceng tu, tanpa beri salam, tanpa perkenalkan diri, terus nak merampas kuasa, nak buddy2 dengan papa and mama!

That's it, I have enough of it all! I'm staying over at Melanie's place for a while. And the great news is, I'm not being addressed as the pathetic 'Putih' here, but 'Peter Benedict', maklumlah duduk dengan Minah orang putih!

Tapi yang aku risaukan disini, Melanie feeds me with food from her kitchen yang aku was2 tahap halal nya. Mama selalu pesan: 'Puts, you are a muslim', that's why I can only be fed with fish and none of those imported canned food which contained chicken or meat, benatang tu ditakuti tak disembelih sebelum ditinkan. Tapi nak wat camne, aku belasah ajer lah, nanti kendian2 bila dah balik semula rumah mama, aku taubat lah!
mental note: nanti nak suruh Imran samakkan aku dengan air lumpur!

Tapi aku kesian sekali kat mama. Hari2 tunggu aku balik, ikan rebus aku sentiasa ada tersimpan kalau2 aku tiba, pada bila2 masa.....

Nanti lah mama, I'll try to find peace with myself. Kalau siLoLo tu dah kembali kepangkal jalan, I will return....'

mmuuuuaahhhh.......or is it mmeeeooww......

And so that's how it is now, I'm facing a crisis at the homefront.

ChiHuaHua and Tuxedo are only available on need to be basis. They prefer to hang out at the garden instead, like the less preferred children.
Priyanka did not come home since yesterday, she did not make her feelings known in the blog either.

I've told Imran to ask around if any of his friends want to adopt LoLo.
Meanwhile, I hope the owner will soon find and claim Loceng back.

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FOUND!

Have you lost this cat?

OR

At least pretend to have lost him?

Finder Desperate!

*Reward will be given to the real owner!!


*used Power Rangers Meal Bowl.

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Maids are SUPPOSED to be DEAF!

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I lost my voice today.
For half an hour this morning, I've been screaming at the top of my trachea.
su!
su!!
su!!!
SU!!!!...


I accidently locked myself up in the wet kitchen!!
I was feeding the cats when suddenly the door leading to the dry kitchen closed. The knob on the other side of the door has been pushed in a locked mode.
I was frantically searching for the keys to another door exiting to the backgarden, alas, the maid took it with her while she is sweeping the front garden.

I stuck my head at grilled kitchen window and wailed.
su!
su!!
su!!!
su!!!!...


The neighbour's maid from 2 bungalows away came out and asked me what happen?
Saya terkunci disini, awak ada nampak su?
maid: Ada Bu, tu dia didepan sana, dekat gate!
mama: habis kenapa tak dengar saya menjerit?

Even the neighbours dogs answered to my screams...

stupid, silly maid!
PEKAK aper???

I sat in the kitchen and whilst there might as well plan today's menu in my Pyjama.
After 20 mins. su appeared from the backgarden.

mama: Kamu memang PEKAK ya! Saya jerit2 disini panggil kamu, kamu tak dengar!! Semua orang ingat saya sudah gila!!!
su: saya menyapu diluar gate Bu, kenapa Bu?
mama: Eeeii....saya terkunci disini lah (goblok!).
su: Bagei mana Ibu boleh jadi terkurung disini?...(smiling)...
mama:......(why can't you be MUTE as well? brengsek!!!).......

So, how do I get inside the house?.
Now that at least I could get myself out of the wet kitchen, I went to the side garden facing Ikram's room.
I knocked on Ikram's window from there and asked him to open the stupid door from inside the house. Waking him up is another hurdle. I think papa has to relook at the idea of him occupying the ground floor room. His title as the 'Chief of Safety and Security' will definitely have to be revoked. Luckily it didn't come with extra perks like the COLA (cost of living allowance), as per recommended by the MTUC.

Ikram: Wasn't it your fault that you get yourself locked up in there?
mama: yeah, it was so silly. But why is it that the maid has to be so DEAF?


To prevent the incident from happening again, I've stuck the key permanently at the keyhole of the door knob from inside the wet kitchen.
That's probably a better option than having to apply my cat's earspray on the maid!
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What you'd do for 70sen!

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Every driver in our household is familiar with papa's instruction not to mix different types of petrol in the car's fuel tanks. So, it has always been Shell and nothing else. I've consulted my automotive engineer friend and he said it's OK to mix them, all petrols has the same basic component, they only add different additives to enhance each product's performance.

But NO! don't mix your petrol, said papa.
He would drive an extra 10Km to get to the nearest Shell station!

But yesterday was different. I was going somewhere with Imran and noticed that the fuel indicator was spot on 'E' the moment I started the engine.
I realised that I sent the car to service the aircon the day before and my mechanic sent the car back with an empty tank!

mama: macam mana ni Imran, I don't think I have enough petrol in the tank to get to the next shell station! mama hentam letak Petronas ajer lah ye!
Imran: mana boleh mama, nanti papa tau dia marah!
mama: pastu kalau kita stranded lagi worse!

And I cornered to Petronas station which is 2Km away from my house.
mama: Imran pergi bayar kat counter, RM20.00 saja sebab minyak Petronas. Nanti cepat habis kita boleh letak shell semula!...Konspirasi mama and Imran.....

After Imran returned from the counter, I reached for the nozzle and started pumping the petrol.
The meter stopped at RM19.28.. .. before I could say D.U.N.K.I.N. D.O.U.G.H.N.U.T!

mama: Eh! kenapa tak cukup RM20.00??!!??
Imran: mungkin dia nak bundarkan to the nearest litre.
mama: Did you pay by litre or by RM?
Imran: By RM!
mama: I'm going to inquire at the counter, you wait here by the car...
Imran:...(rolled eyes)....

At the cash counter:
mama: Adik, kenapa meter tu berenti kat RM19.28? Akak bayar RM20.00.
Cashier: Tank akak dah penoh!
mama: Hah?? RM19.28 dah penoh?..Betul ke ni? Tank akak kosong giler tadi, meter kat 'E'!!!!!
Cashier: ..(reluctantly return 70sen back to me)....

I walked the distance back to my car. Tried starting the engine and the fuel indicator moved only one bar!!!!!... I was half hoping that Petronas could really fill up my tank with RM19.28 as compared to RM60.00 by Shell.Then I can fight my case with papa!!he,he,he....

Imran: mama, you actually walked to the cashier just for 70sen?
mama: It's my money, I have the right to it. Itu pun sepatutnya mama collect back 72sen!
Imran: You throw the money into the coin box anyway. If I were you, I won't bother.
mama: You tell me how on earth can you get 70sen right now other than asking for it from your parents?
Imran: simple! I just walk into Ikram's room, and transfer 70sen from his drawer into my pocket. I bet he will not notice it even after he is married with 7 kids...

mama: It's so clear that you don't have the right mentality to become rich. Do you know that Paul Getty even picked up the 1shilling which he accidentally stepped on?
Imran: who is this Paul Getty?
mama: our version of your Bill Gates.
Imran: well, Bill Gates made millions whilst he sleeps....

Me and my 14year old son, we came from 2 different schools of thought. I spent 10 days reading 2inch thick book on Paul Getty, Imran made 2clicks on the computer to learn about Bill Gates.


At night I told papa about my misadventure at the Petronas station.
Papa said that if the cashier repeated the act to 100 more customers at the station, she would have collected RM70.00 for the day. In one month her tip would be a cool RM2,100.00!!!!!

papa: I told you to go pump the petrol at Shell!!!!!
(nasihat yang tak ada kena mengena dengan the dishonest behaviour of the cashier at the Petronas Station!)
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